La serie familiar

Sorority (La Serie familiar; Barcelona; August 2012)

I have two sisters.

One of them was left at home alone
to witness a robbery
from the slats of the closet
where she hid.
After that she came to my parents.

She used to spring up awake
in the morning
bright eyed
ready for the day to begin already
already half over
we’ve got to get started.

I felt I had witnessed a robbery
when I found
the clearly preserved imprints
of her two front teeth
in my white chocolate
easter bunny.
Even though I didn’t like white chocolate
I cried
because it had been
mine not hers.

But my family is hers
I am hers.

I can sometimes only see
them clearly from here
from afar
I saw my two sisters’ faces
side by side on the screen
two calm faces that
look nothing alike
except that they do
and they are never calm
but they were.

It was only brief and
then they had to go
just like life is.

I can only grasp them
ever briefly
see their faces
their eyes identical momentarily
before the juxtaposing genetics
come back into
view.

what does love do?
does it twin?

Womb (La Serie familiar; Istanbul; July 2012)

To have submerged
My head, the last to go beneath,
Following, logically, from
The rest
Vertebrate that I am.

Kalpazankaya is
A beach well-hidden,
Little known,
On the second of the little islands
Summoning me from Istanbul.

Away,
Away from oppressive
Heat and gaze
Immobility of traffic
And rage
Punishment in the form of
Humiliation for being woman,
For being my body only
For embodying immorality
And the west in
The fabric of my skirt
That falls, yes, well above
The knee.
Even if the hem extended
He would stare.

But here,
Only here is
Where I am now
Submerged,
Suddenly weightless,
Suddenly part of it all
And floating.
Suddenly far, so far
From slick heat
And guilt.

Unexpectedly I am nostalgic
Or perhaps coming into awareness
Of nostalgia that is ever-present;
For the place is uncanny
In that it is (not) a womb.

I am nostalgic for you,
Mother.
Submerged, I come back to you.
You are in my blurred vision of the depth
Of the floor, textured,
Brilliant green on
Gold, and as I look up:
Turquoise
(imagined purple),
the pebbles sing,
crackling—
knowing you.

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